Thursday, June 21, 2007If u guys haf been reading my blog, i ever mentioned bout tis girl who caught my eye and my heart along with it... The one whom i tried so hard to get to know her, for one whole yr, and turns out to be my brother's ex and the hurtful part was, it was only for 3days. My bro still had the cheek to say, ' abg cuma nk fling je ngan dia, tk interested ah dgn pompuan mcm dia'.... translation: ' i only wan to play wif her heart, i gt no interest in her at all...' It sounds so bad.... So u all remember the girl i'm toking bout nw? And now, i guess the wheels haf revovles ard, on another person...and to make sense wat i'm saying..... My brother played wif her heart, and nw she played wif mine.... what happened.....? ok, start from the beginning of 2nd part,.... i finally gt through to tis girl, from her new frenster acc,... i can sense she stills love my bro... anyway, she added my bro's frenster acc, and from there, i start makin my move... Everything was goin smoothly, she gave me her no. and we became frens....had long conversations on phone, and i told her everything.... from the start to nw.... She took everything well....Even ask me to accompany her through the nite, which i am more then willing to....woke her up in morning.... i had made plans to meet her one day, maybe wif frens, then ltr just the two of us.... Suddenly, like an epic movie.... it comes to an end....it was so sudden, feels like, u know, bird dropping hit u right in the face, and u left wonderin, wat did i do wrong to the bird.... She suddenly stopped everything, seriously, if u dont believe me, u can ask her urself....tats wat i tried to do until nw, i finally gave up.... She stop msging me, replying my msg, callin me, answering my call.... i tried to get answers from her... i keep msging her, keep callin her....all to no avail.... u cannot imagine wat i've been through tis past few days.... i tried to rent a car, to keep my mind of her....and tat, was also a failure.... at first, i tot, maybe she lost her phone or her phone was stolen...so i tried to confirm it by using someone else hp to msg her....suprisingly she replied.... tat shocked me so much....straightaway i msg her, saying i nd answers...she replied wat? ....can u believed it, her last msg to me was a three letter word which actualli doesnt exist in a proper english spelling dictionary.-wad-. i was so heartbroken and depressed.... SOme of my guys told me, ' Aku rase ni pompuan mmg sengaja ah...dia mmg nk buat pat kau apa yg abg ko buat pat dia' and ' Dia agaknya tk nk lyn ko psl dia takot akan jadi same, mane lagi tumpah lauk kalau tk ke nasi, dia ingat krg brothers rollin2 pompuan' translation: ' I think tis girl wants revenge on ur brother by doin it to u' and ' Maybe she thinks tat both u brothers r the same....rollin girls to each other' Bt seriously guys, and girls, those who know me....am i like tat....haf i been a heartbreaker? i know i did mention it in my few early blog, bt so far i've been a heartbroken... u all think i' m like my bro? if yes, pls tell me, i will change my personality.... haiz.... till tday, i still haven get any answers for her yet... to think my bro got her heart to easily only to end up with me being 'dumped' by the same girl he dumped..... ya i know, she and me haf no connections yet, we r just frens, bt frens dont suddenly disappear just like tat, i treated her as a fren also, i didnt rush into things like hw i used to last time.... I JUST WANT ANSWERS Nw, i've deleted her no. ....all her msgs.... bt the memories of wat we used to talk abt...the dreams i had planned.... a whole yr of wanting something to happen btwn me and the girl...nw all gone.....just like tat... still some things are still hard to forget....haiz.... I dont why its happening to me, bt the only mild conclusion i can make up rite nw is, maybe its retribution of wat my brother did to all the many2 girls' heart he broke.... and all the retribution is taking on me..... I guess tats wat people call, family ties cannot be broken. ' Air dicincang tk akan putus' I'm nt saying all tis so tat u all will start hating my brother...bt its more of, in tis story, he played the biggest part in everything.... Till then, u guys take care aite....dont be like me...life for me haf no meaning anymore, bt i still wont resort to commitin suicide, dont worry...i know u guys will miss me...haha. ----RememberTHE Name----
10:14 AM
Friday, June 15, 2007Hey, its me again.... tis entry is goin to be all abt my first ever experience drivin on the road without a certified instructor beside me, haha.... My dad rent a car, nt just any car, its a hyundai trajet...a mpv, 8-seater... my aunt sponsor, cause they goin to mlysia on thurs, i cannot follow coz my passport only get on fri...wasted... bt, anyway, i gt the permission of my dad to take it for a ride after he took the keys... hairi followed me, for the first part of the journey... First part was ok, much learning and adaptin to the car... had to sent stuffs to houses in east...my mum and dad was wif us...Nag Nag Nag all the way.... My mum was like, 'ayah betol2 nk kasi hairi pakai kreta ni nanti, seram ah ibu, ni kreta org, bkn kita nya' Coz i nearly hit a lorry wif my side mirror and drove in the road shoulder for one whole minute without realising, haha.... Then after sending my dad and mum home,- mum left wif alot of doa tat i will selamt balik, haha... left me and hairi...went to fetch jai and sham at 749...then the nite has begun.... We went to mandai to fetch my bro from work, he works at nite safari.... there, he insist on drivin for a few kms, i finally mengalah... btw he gt no licence, so if kena tahan, my licence is at stake...bt luckily nothin happen except for the part where he nearly went up the kerb... after sending my bro home, psl he was tired and dont wan to follow us, we went to seletar dam...i recommend this place to couples, very romantic.... on our way, we gt stop at a road block,, so unlucky...bt its ok,' Sir, are we in any trouble'...i ask the cop, haha. then he explain tat i gt four lives in my hand... and advice me to drive safely...wat the hell...haha then we reach seletar dam, it was so romantic, tat everyone wans to call their partners....tapi wat to do, no reception there, haha... so we hang out there for 30 mins b4 proceedin to geylang, to get some ciggys and to show hairi the nite life there, haha.... So many cars there, bt luckily my car didnt made any contact wif none of them....after tat, we left the place to changi, to show hairi the nite life there... Otw, we decide to stop by at OCH....and somethin happen there, hmmmm, u can ask me urself, dont wan to say anythin nw..... after changi, we went to bedok to meet some girls....which sham gt to know online... then i realise, time was running out, had to pass the car to my dad by 6 am, and i'm still in bedok at 530 am....so rushed back home, after sending hairi, sham back home... Overall, it was damn fun.... i loved driving so much.... still gt much improvement to do though...esp in parking...the whole nite, each time i parked, i took 2 parking space...haiz...haha... Anyway, to the Aniza, Has, Ida and Yan....relaks, kita tk ajak psl mlm, krg mane le kluar mlm nya... Maybe nxt wk, we sewa another car, i willing to drive the whole day for u all, duit sewa, we share2 eh, ahah..... take automatic, manual is so damn hard and tiring to drive whole day...til then take care...
..-;;;Remember THE Name;;;-..
3:50 AM
Tuesday, June 12, 2007i keep on wondering to myself, wat is the programme anugerah missing nowadays, its seems so untalented...bt when i watch the video, the culprit is u aniza, they r missing a great talented singer like u... btw nxt time, dont mention gay when u display the picture of him with me, esp when i'm havin long hair...my water-face drop u know...haha
And happy 20th birthday to the ever so-childish hairi....
10:44 PM
Sunday, June 10, 2007One moment i was feelin down, then next moment, i was so abt to explode in hapiness and it all ended up wif me feelin so very down, i haf nvr been so depressed in my life...
I'm nt sure wat to do nw..... In case u all r askin wat happened,...i failed my reassessment, meaning, i haf to repeat my sem because of this f*cking module.... i cant seem to bring myself together ever since tat moment where the lecturer told me tat she's 'afraid she's goin to fail me'.... its like, wat haf i done to deserve all this.... i haf nvr enjoyed my time in nursing....excepet for the frens i've made, the bonds tat was formed, the fun we all had, bt other den tat....everything else sucks... I haf struggle all the way since i first step into NYP, april 2005....ever since yr1, i try to accept the fact tat i am goin to go through this for the next 3 yrs of my life...nvr haf i expected for it to stretch to 4 yr, and i may even haf to rpt another sem in yr3...u nvr know... Up til nw, i still haven accept tat fact, i suffered in silence...everyone thinks i look ok, i am enjoying my time in school, in tutorial rm, in lecture halls....bt the truth is, my mind keep on thinkin, y am i still in NYP, am i doin the rite thing...y am i forcing myself to do sometin i dont like...y i join nursing then....my parents, and a 'guranteed' carrer life....WEll guess wat, reality check, tat guaranteed thingy, its BULL-SHIT...
JUST IMAGINE THIS,>>>>>YOU R DOING SOMETHIN WHICH U DONT LIKE FOR THE WHOLE OF YOUR LIFE<<<< Be it clinicians, be it lecturer, be it practitioner....its still nursing...maybe i'm nt meant to save life.... when my life itself is in ruin.... Haiz, am i just goin to go on like this... People think i'm qutting half-way because i gave up...tats nt the case, its nt becoz i'm giving up, if so, i would haf done tat earlier...its more of, i dont wan to waste my time doin something which i am nt gettin or gainin anything from.... this is only yr 2 and i already haf to rpt two sem...wat then in yr 3..... am i goin to be kick out of sch... might as well i quit nw and start workin, at least i gain somehtin from tat...and maybe join NS when i'm called up... I still haven made up my mind yet...my parents want me to continue...bt i'm still nt ready to go on doin nursing again... Anyway, tat short moment of happiness was due to my success in getting my much-wanted class 3 licence.... much i'm still nt sure whether its worth it... i mean rpting another sem or getting tat licence?... ANyway, to make things worst, the way i failed, i just dont deserve it... i was the only student during reassessment who wasnt receiving any form of help, nt even a hint... the lecturer wasn't even paying attention to anything i said... haiz.... Need the full story, just contact me, i'll be more than happy to story-tellin wif u.... till then take care...
1:57 AM
Nvm, i found the liberty to copy and paste, haha....duh
Haiz, tom is my dooms-day, gt bio pract exam at 9 to 10 am, and i haven even study a single sentence from the lecture notes, serious,.... coz i've been busying focusing on my clinical practical exam so much tat, i failed it....BUmmer rite...well, i dont think i deserve it though... same goes to the others who had the same lecturer assessing them for tat skills....Its a wonder...all those whom she failed r only malays....being racist, there's a possibility....i only found out after everyone ask everyone.... guess its not our luck tis time...NVM, there's still the retest...hopefully i can pass tat one... Why i failed....hmmm, let me see, i'm a systematic type of guy...i do things in an orderly manner...so basically, i learn and understand things from step 1 all the way to step 10...and if u're to ask me from step 1, then jump to step 4 and continue back to step 2 then jump again to step 8.....even AH Meng the orang utan is goin to smack u in the head, wat more me....Anyway, the highlight of the week, or the month, or maybe the year...is i'm goin to haf my Traffic Police Test tom, and after 5 long mths of bookin, its finally here.... its either pass or fail.... all i know is i'm confident of drivin after goin for three straight revision lessons.... Hopefully, i dont break my parents heart and wallet by failing it.... To make things worst, i cant handle another failure in my life...for tis week tat is....I already failed clinical, bio....like duh, obvius failure...haf to struggle to pass it tis semester...all hopes for the end of semester exam, bio prac cover 35% and main exam is 65%, still gt chance to pass, bt so far my record, i fail my bio each sem which i fail my bio prac...so gd luck to me.... so back to failure....i already fail one, comin soon another one, and if TP also same( touch and go, touch and go)....total HEART BREAK....Anyway, admist all this, i just need someone to be there for me...emotionally...physically....a ear to listen to my problems, a pair of wings to lift me up to my two feet again, the air to rejuvenate me to my fullest of confidence.... its true, i haf frens, close frens, bestest of frens, brothers... Hairul, Nathan, Sufyan, FArhan, JAi, Sham, Wak, Kak Leha, Aniza, Syahidah, Hastuty, Izyan, Miza, Hairi and many others for me to turn to, bt there is tis sort of feelins where u need to reveal to someone closer to u....U wan her to be there when u need her, for u to be needed when she feels the same too.... I'm confused...i'm nt embarrased to say tis bt sometimes i feel like crying in my sleep.... too much is goin through my mind, so much tat i dont think i can handle it anymore...I may seem ok, bt inside me, nobody knows....till u see me again, take care
........Remember THE Name.....
1:55 AM
For my previous entry, go to this blog---www.hinkin-jack.blogspot.com--- i dont know how my entry end up there...haha... If u wan to read it, u can go there...its just one personal entry.
1:52 AM
Wednesday, May 30, 2007Hey guys, sorry for the absence...been busy, just finished two icas tis wk and to sum it up, well, we did well considering the fact we only got two wks to rush for two icas, nt including the fact tat our grp members end up sick every day last wk, including me... Well, first qn we asked the lecturer after each icas will be, ' So hw, do we pass?' and all of them say yes, only tat whether we did well or nt, but heck, pass is enough to make me fulfilled.... Anyway, both icas didnt end well though... first ica, HS2118.1, we had to present on nature vs nuture, and we kinda rushed through it, delgating three of our 7 grp members to do it, while the other three, me scorpion, and nathan did on chronic illness. so ya, u all will be askin, ' hw bout the last member?' Well, basically, she didnt do anything, coz we couldnt contact her and she didnt contact us at all...so it kinda pissed some of my grp members off...and they complain to our lecturer bout it, rite b4 the presentation...to make things worse, tat xtra grp member arrived exactly at the point when they just complain bout her...so blah, blah , blah..... class nt happy, dont know for wat crap...first of all, it doesnt concern u guys, nothin personal....and the one tat is affected is my grp so stop complaining and giving all kind of comments and punishments coz its none of ur business.... the lecturer also piss me off...she wants some excuse why all tis happened, and when we told her tat we had time constraints, she said ' well, to put it bluntly, its ur problem, u should resolve it yourself' ... so y the f**k did u ask us for our excuse then.... and u're the lecturer for some freakin reasons rite...nt just sittin on ur butt and pretend to listen to our icas, and givin stpid comments at the end.... The next day, our next ica, well this time, its nt anyone's fault, bt ours... wat happend? well, we kinda pissed the lecturer tis time, haha...anyway, the lecturer is a different one, tis one's better...she was givin her comments, and helpin us on how to improve our next ica if there is any, and some of my grp mates were nt happy, so they argued back and i was like, shut up la, just accept her comments.... bt too late, she abruptly stopped everythins and says she doesn't wan to continue anymore...luckily she say she will nt penalise us for anythin because of our actions, phew..... Anyway, everything's over, and we should think abt the future and speaking of future, nxt wk, i'll be havin my clinical practical, bio practical exam, 2118 mock test and to make things worse, my car traffic police test which i'm nt confident of passing.... so basically, all tis stress is makin me considerin on quittin being an ex-smoker and join the clan back.... SMokin Is MY OnlY EscApade... C YA....
.....Remember THE Name.....
5:04 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2007Sorry Guys for the long absence...... i've been sick, very sick.... ever since i quitted smokin, ya, its true.... its been two wks plus.... first day after quitting, i gt a high fever, my temp reached 39.6 C.... didnt go to sch for two days....then i recover, bt still having chills and coughs... then the next wk, i gt infected again, bt this time its, URTI..... swallowing have nvr been so painful before...my phelgm was greenish colour.... damn... and tat wk, i had two ica.... so even though i wasn't feelin well, i had to come to school.... Haiz, feel like giving up....its like ever since i quitted smokin, my life have nt been the same again... I feel lonely, as if there's something missing in my heart and mind... Sorry if i've changed...bt i cant help it...guess i am goin to write a short entry tis time...have to do my research for nxt wk ica, i haf 2 ica and we haf nt even started doing anything, i haf my clinical theory test tis wed, and comin up is my practical exam, and in two wks time, i am goin to haf my traffic police test and i dont think i am ready to face the tester......HELP!!!!! I'm Stressed>>....>>
8:25 PM
Thursday, April 26, 2007Life in school haf been the same....and i'm happi to declare tat i haf turn into a new leaf,....cant figure out wat i'm trying to imply? Well, my attendance is till in 100% and since its already two wks since school started, its a record to be proud of, haha..... Hmmm.....I cant seem to understand girls...still, haha.... One moment, they wan to play hard to get, next thing is they will be all over you, haha...nt on me ah....just as a whole picture... Bt nothing personal... Updates on the girl.... guess, there is still no progress...totally nothing... gt her no. , gt her msn, gt her frenster, bt i still cannot get through to her... Yan told me the only way is to meet this girl personnally, bt, i dont know where she lives exactly, where she always hang out in school, where she hang out outside school, heck, the last time i saw her was like one wk plus.... since then, no sight of her at all.... She may even have been cease to exist at all in the first place. Bt i will heed the peeps advice and strive, dont give up... 'Kau lum buat apa2 pun, kau da mengaku kalah...' Anyway, peeps around me who are close to my heart, are having rltnship probs... break-ups, calling off wedding, quarrels, third-party...... All i can say is, in every relationships, there is bound to be obstacles...its either u fall,pick urself up and be a stronger couple or u can just gif up and lose the fight...thus, losing everythin u haf been fighting for.... If our parents can continue on, get married, have children and still be happily married, wat makes us any weaker....We haf their genes pe...haha. Anyway, nt trying to say tat i da fikir jauh, bt they are one example right in front of our eyes....learn from them... Ya i know, its easier to say then done....Bt, like wat good frens do, i try to help as much as i can, nt to be the extra person, bt just to give advices when i haf any.... So guys, take care, dont get stress.....Live LIFE to The Fullest....Esp with ur loved ones.... ----Remember THE Name----
